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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (7/8/25)

Management has a decision to make!

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Set a course for Treasure Island, again!

Kage won the Beat the Clock Challenge, but he wants a shot at a title that’s already spoken for! How will HPW Management address his demands?

 

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The Eventide Challenge is set!

While the Hero’s Shadow won the Beat the Clock Challenge, Riju, Sidon, Onox, Donny B. Kool, Thunderbird and Ghirahim still won their matches, and are therefore entered into the annual Treasure Island tradition, the Eventide Challenge! But learning from last year, HPW will take no chances with the island and the weather, so it will once again be a Ladder Match! Whoever can climb above the others will be the NEW #1 contender to the Undisputed HPW Triforce World Championship, that title match set at Clash of Fates in October. Gerudo, Zora, Draconic, Geru, Rito, or… Uh, ghoul? Who will be headed for Hyrule Coliseum?

 

It’ll be all or nothing for the Desert Colossus!

As she and Shabonne discussed during Termina Velocity, Tali gets one more shot at Ladrona and the HPW Goddess Championship. If Tali loses, she can’t challenge for the title again until Ladrona loses it to someone else. Will Tali be able to take this title from The Thief Girl? Or will Ladrona tough it out to keep this treasure just out of Tali’s reach?

 

The MagicaLadies defend their gold!

Midna, Cia & Lana won the HPW World Trios Championships during ThunderStruck’s Blood & Thunder, and they’ve been showing off the side plates ever since. However, titles must be defended, and the Faces of Evil want their belts back! Will the titles go right back to where they were? Or can the Twilight Princess, Dark Sorceress & Blue Haired Goddess dispel the Dark Forces?

 

Osphala claims controversy!?

The Gleaming Yellow Light lost his gold when he fought Igos du Ikana for the HPW Termina Championship. But reviewing the match, he points out the ropebreak violation as a point of contention. Osphala feels Igos won that match under rather disputable circumstances. If the Gravestone hold had been broken when Tiger Sahasrahla told Igos to, the match would be very different. Well, that’s a very coulda/shoulda/woulda argument, but Osphala is standing firm by it. Osphala wants a fair rematch! In fact, Treasure Island is all about titles, he deserves a rematch!

Igos du Ikana responds.

“Osphala… You didn’t like how you lost? Well, aren’t you special? No one likes how they lost, because no one likes losing. You may not like that I was bending the rules, but that’s all I did. I didn’t break the rules by not breaking my hold, or else I would’ve been disqualified immediately. But if you can’t get over it, if you can’t accept it, if you can’t forget it, then I shall offer a compromise. I will put up both my titles, both Termina and Death Mountain, for you to fight for. But it won’t be in any ordinary match. If avenging this apparent injustice means so much to you, then you will be willing to face… IKANA DEATH!”

A quick highlight reel of the most brutal moments in TCW history goes by, then the screen goes black. Then, with an echo going on, Igos adds, “Dead men tell no tales. But legends never die.” The Ruler of Ruin has raised the stakes, will Osphala call? Or will he fold?

 

Everyone wants the Undisputed Triforce World Championship!

Well, controversy seems to be common these days! Ganon won his shot at HPW’s top title with help from Zant, but then Zant lost to Kage in a minute and change! With that, the Hero’s Shadow won this year’s Beat the Clock Challenge. And while HPW Management was hoping he’d choose the Death Mountain title, the Termina title, or maybe even the Million Rupee Championship, he stubbornly demanded a shot at THE Undisputed Triforce World Championship. Nicholas Foolyere tried to talk him into one of the other titles, Kage shoved him, so Zelda came to her father’s aid.

Kage is still owed a title match for winning the Beat the Clock Challenge, which was meant to make up for Ganon’s deception. Nicholas Foolyere didn’t want to after how Kage treated him, but between Humpback Hook Halibut and Starfish McMaguro agreeing in the meeting, and even Zelda wanting after Kage, the decision has been made. Treasure Island will now see a TRIPLE THREAT for the Undisputed Triforce World Championship! Zelda VS Ganon VS Kage, first fall to a finish! Will the Hero’s Shadow continue to copy his brother and take this title back? Will the Princess of Hyrule win this gamble? Or will the Gerudo Ace be highest of all?

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